Steen: Burton and company lost amid Dark Shadows

A few ‘wrinklies’ but mostly young folks in the half empty theatre for the late Saturday showing of Dark Shadows.

A few ‘wrinklies’ but mostly young folks in the half empty theatre for the late Saturday showing of Dark Shadows.

Originally a TV series which ran from 1966 to 1971, Dark Shadows is a freaky soap opera in which the rich Collins family of Maine was beset by strange occurrences. In fact, three of the original TV cast, Lara Parker, Jonathan Frid and David Selby, had cameo vappearances in the 2012 movie.

So the story opens in 1970 Liverpool where the Collins family, along with son Barnabas, board a ship for the New World to make their fortune in shipping and later in the fisheries industry.

Of course it all goes horribly wrong when Angelique Bouchard (played by Eva Green of Casino Royale fame) falls for Barnabas (Johnny Depp) and the love is not reciprocated. Since Angelique is a very powerful witch, curses follow and the luckless Barnabas is turned into a vampire and locked in a coffin for 200 years.

Are you with me so far?

And so, into the 21st century comes the old world Barnabas, newly broken out of his coffin prison and set to restore the Collins family name and fortune, which in the past 200 years has been all but destroyed.

Barnabas hopes also to have some semblance of life, hindered only slightly by the fact that he is a blood sucking vampire.

Mayhem, of course, ensues.

What doesn’t follow is a good movie—short on laughs, short on good acting and short on entertainment, this is about as bad as it gets. The only thing it’s not short on is length—it goes way too long and gets really boring mid-way through the show.

Sure, Depp and Burton have quirky natures and it showed in some collaborations, but unlike Edward Scissorhands and Alice in Wonderland, Depp isn’t able to pull off the magic in Dark Shadows.

Helena Bonham Carter is actually quite good as the oft-drunk Dr. Julia Hoffman, but even her efforts are not enough to pull this out of the toilet.

Michelle Pfeiffer is definitely not in her element and the rest of the cast doesn’t shine either. It appears they hope that Depp will somehow pull it off once again, and he doesn’t.

I suspect Dark Shadows won’t last long in the theatres and I eagerly await Judy Dench in the upcoming Best Exotic Marigold Hotel which should be out next weekend.

There were no best lines in this one—the closest I got was: “She’s as useful as a bucket with a hole in the bottom” spoken of an elderly maid.

I give this two reels, only because there was a spate of interesting special affects.


Just Posted

Missing Kelowna woman sought

RCMP are asking for assistance in locating Christine Olsen-Meissnitzer

YMCA launches teen program for mental health

Starting April 5, the Kelowna Family Y will host its first run of Mind Fit

Need to catch up on news? You’re covered

Every Saturday the Capital News will highlight stories from the week

Big White board school among best

Director of snow sports, Josh Foster, is one of the top instructors in Canada

It’s beetle season in Lake Country

Boxelder beetles are coming out from the warmth of the tree roots

REPLAY: B.C. this week in video

In case you missed it, here’s a look at replay-worthy highlights from across the province this week

Captain Cal Foote is Rockets’ MVP

The Rockets hand out their annual team awards Sunday at Kelowna Community Theatre

Anti-pipeline protestors block Kinder Morgan tanker near Seattle

Protest was spurred on by the 28 anti-Kinder Morgan activists arrested in Burnaby

Some surprises in new book about B.C. labour movement

“On the Line” charts history of the union movement back to the 1800s

Plane lands safely after takeoff issue

An airplane departing Kelowna International Airport had an issue with a landing gear, landed safely

Cancer fundraiser takes to Okanagan Lake

Penticton and Naramata joining growing fundraising event

Elke’s Garden Tips: Good time to prepare

Lake Country garden columnist talks about what to do at this time of the year

B.C. cyclist races to first win of the season in New Zealand

Casey Brown captures Enduro title by more than two minutes at Crankworx Rotorua

Notorious Russian troll farm also took swipes at Canadian targets

Targets included oil infrastructure and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Most Read