Taylor: Smart phones in life after death?

Heaven a void, or filled with realities beyond our imagination?

In the week before Easter, a Bizarro cartoon imagined a scene in heaven. Several angels in long white robes with wings stood up to their knees in clouds. Two younger angels in front, with fledgling wings, twiddled their thumbs helplessly. An older angel in the background commented, “Most of the new arrivals seem incapable of conversation. They just stare at their hands in despair.”

What? There won’t be smart phones in heaven?

How about wi-fi?

If we don’t have Google, how will we be able to look up anything?

Most of the common assumptions about heaven—to the extent that people have bothered thinking about heaven at all—deal with what we won’t have, and won’t need. We won’t need phones, because we will have instant communication with anyone, everyone, anytime. We won’t need Google, because we’ll be directly connected to all knowledge. We won’t need toilets, because we won’t have bodies, and therefore no bodily functions.

Which also implies, of course, that we won’t have food to pass through our non-bodies. No gourmet meals, with the very best vintage wines, aged for, well, since we’re already in eternity, aging wouldn’t apply anyway.

So we won’t need a sense of taste. Or, for that matter, the senses of sight, sound, touch, and smell. Why would we need physical senses to appreciate non-material things?

This is beginning to sound less appealing.

Would we have doctors, lawyers, nurses, civil servants? They wouldn’t be excluded from heaven (whatever you happen to think of lawyers and bureaucrats) but they wouldn’t need their professional skills. No one would get sick. No one would take legal action. No one would need welfare to survive…

For some, eternal uselessness might feel more like hell than heaven.

In all the reading I’ve done about near-death and life-after-death experiences, I don’t remember anything about what it was actually like on the other side. Just warm feelings of being loved, of being enveloped in light, and of being able to view events on Earth from a new perspective.

No word about what it’s like to live devoid of time and space, of mass and measurement. Is it a void? Or is the void itself filled with realities beyond our imagining?

On Easter Sunday, Christian churches around the world celebrated Jesus’ victory over death. But there is not one word in the Gospels about what he experienced between death and resurrection. Not one.

You’d think his disciples might have been curious. Apparently not.

There’s a lot about heaven in the book called the Revelation —streets paved with gold, gates carved from gems—but I consider Revelation about as authoritative as Timothy Leary’s hallucinogenic visions.

When I raise such questions in discussion groups, people look strangely at me. We don’t have to know these things in advance, they tell me. It will all work out, they say.

Fortunately, the reality of heaven doesn’t depend on my speculations. If there is a heaven—assuming I qualify for it—then whatever will be, will be. And if there isn’t a heaven, then my musings won’t matter anyway.

In the meantime, it does lead to some interesting conversations.

Just Posted

Permitted burns in Okanagan mountains

Kelowna Fire Department says please don’t call 911

Pets sit in Santa’s lap

Kelowna - The Okanagan Small Dog Rescue Society held a pet photo opt today

Your weekend highlights

Each week, the Capital News will highlight stories from the week

Comedian/magician visiting Lake Country

Wes Barker is performing at Creekside Theatre, Nov. 25

Good Natured Books celebrates first book launch in Kelowna

David Allen, the author of A Song for Swinging, is signing books at Wentworth Music today

Drones used in search for clues about missing women

A volunteer search party was supported by professional drone operators

WATCH: Thousands gathering in Abbotsford for Const. John Davidson funeral procession

Celebration of life to follow at Abbotsford Centre at 1 p.m.

Back-to-back wins for the Vees this weekend

Penticton Vees take down Capitals 10-1

Start on time: Canucks looking to shake first-period struggles

Canucks centre Bo Horvat said the formula for getting a leg up is there for everyone to see

COMMUTER ALERT: Snowfall warnings in effect across B.C.

Travelling this weekend? Check the forecasts before hitting the road

Tips for keeping your personal data safe, from the experts

It’s important to keep your ‘online footprint’ safe

Lights to turn blue ahead of funeral for fallen Abbotsford police officer

Buildings across B.C. are going blue Saturday night in honour of Const. John Davidson

Ride-share pioneer drives up quietly to B.C. battleground

Lyft approaches B.C. without Uber bombast, eyes small towns

Massive monster truck tour held in Kelowna

Traxxas Monster Truck Tour will be here in January, 2018

Most Read